Hello, and happy May! My last post was on April 26, day 33 of my journey. Today is day 40, if you’ve lost count, and I’ve survived another successful week, at least insofar as using weed is concerned. Last weekend went by quickly. I had two gigs and attended another showing of my daughter’s play, so I was constantly on the move, or so it seemed. That always helps when you’re trying to keep your mind off something. Still, I didn’t get to really relax until Sunday. This week, on the other hand, has been anything but relaxing.
To be perfectly honest, I don’t think a lot about weed anymore. It’s out of my mind most of the time. Now all I have to do is wait for it to get out of my body and for my brain’s chemistry to change back to normal, not that I’m really even certain what that is anymore. I’m still blaming detox for my lack of good sleep, but I’ve also been a bit down emotionally of late and a tad cranky. As I’ve written, without the use of weed, which was always my band-aid for emotional turmoil, I now have to feel all my emotions, which I’m learning to do daily.
Now it appears weed may have been a band-aid for my physical turmoil as well. I’ve told you little bits and pieces—without giving details—about the digestive issues I’ve been having. This has gone on for much of the past month, and although I’ve wondered if it was related to detox, I haven’t found much on-line to support that theory. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, so I’ve let my guard down and let my mind get away from me the past week and take over. At my wife’s suggestion, I scheduled a doctor appointment to get what she calls a well-baby check, since I hadn’t had one in about a year and a half.
As I said, those digestive issues, coupled with not sleeping well, have had me off my game this week. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time worrying about things I can’t really control, including my daughter’s new relationship with “King Arthur.” In doing so I’ve pretty much tossed out the window everything I’ve spent the past four months learning about myself and about life in general…things like living in the present rather than focusing on what might happen and taking things one day at a time.
So yesterday I went to see my doctor. I was honest with him about my detoxing, and he seemed to think that since my tummy issues seem to coincide with my having quit weed, there is probably a correlation. He said maybe weed was what has been keeping me “together” but that he’d have some blood taken and do a comprehensive check to give me peace of mind. Then came the fun part. What I need, he said, is more fiber, but before I can introduce more fiber into my diet, I was to drink some magnesium citrate, which if you’re not familiar, has the same effect on your system as a colonoscopy prep. For all I know it’s exactly what they give you for it. Man, quitting weed is tougher than I thought.
Anyway, I drank a bottle of the “cleaner” about mid-morning. As my wife and I were scheduled to attend our third viewing of our daughter in her college’s production of the play Camelot I had a feeling I could be in for some trouble. Again, without going into detail, let’s just say I didn’t get to see the play in its entirety this time around. I had to leave my seat a couple of times and Act II was already underway by the time I made it back to my seat, tripping over a step in the dark to get there.
By the time the play was over, though, my “prep” was over too, and as you can imagine I was ready for something to eat. It was decided my wife and I would meet our daughter and “Arthur” at Applebees. And guess what? Turns out the kid is nicer than I wanted him to be. I really wanted to dislike him, but damn it, he’s just charming and engaging as can be! He seems very knowledgeable about things beyond his twenty years, and he’s a music and movie fan like me. Damn it!
It really is amazing what a change in attitude can do for a person’s spirits. I don’t know if it was the (mostly) good doctor visit or the fact that I’m growing more comfortable with my daughter having a boyfriend, but today I woke up after a great night’s sleep and feel better than I have all week. My ambition is back and I was excited to write again. I even had an idea for a book that I’m going to explore.
Of course, I know that a positive attitude and being grateful for what I have are going to lead to a happier life, but sometimes we get in our funks. We forget. That was me this week and is why you haven’t heard from me. This week is my most current reminder that I am going to have to work hard every day to make certain I’m keeping my attitude in the right place and to not let things outside my control have control over me. Having weed out of the picture will continue to help. Every day without it is a step in the right direction.
Have a great weekend.
Yours in freedom from weed.