Welcome to Day 50! I guess that’s a milestone, isn’t it? I take a bow. I had a really good weekend with my wife, but to be honest, even though I’ve been doing well on the quitting of weed, I thought about weed quite a bit this weekend. I didn’t crave it, but I thought about it. I’ll tell you why.
As I said, I spent the better part of the weekend with my wife while we took care of projects around the house. If you’ve ever spent a whole weekend putting together a pergola and an entire set of deck furniture with your wife, then you know that it’s a very good way to put the strength of your relationship to the test. We passed with flying colors, but don’t get the wrong impression, it was tense from time to time.
Our first project was Saturday, when we erected our pergola actually on the deck, which is an area not a whole lot bigger than the pergola itself. Lesson learned. It took longer than it should have because we kept having to move the big, heavy top structure around in order for it to fit where we wanted it and to get the corner posts under it. My wife, trooper that she is, bless her heart, had to hold the thing up at about a 45-degree angle, her arms shaking under the weight, while I tried to support it under the posts.
Tempers were just starting to simmer when our next-door neighbor (really nice older gentleman) provided the comic relief we needed, stepping out onto his deck, soda in hand, ready to chat. “Got a new one, huh?” he said. Really? Now is when we’re going to chit chat? I think we made it clear we weren’t in the mood for a rap session because he soon headed back in, but Got a new one, huh? became our running joke for the weekend and kept coming back to remind us to not take ourselves so seriously. We got the pergola up and we love it (that’s it above). We spent the rest of that day patting ourselves on the back.
Our next project, on which we spent Mother’s Day, was to put our deck furniture together. Less work but way more frustrating. I suppose I understand the concept of the hex head screw from a torque standpoint, but I’d still like to have a word or two with whomever decided that those types of screws and their accompanying little wrench (included) have to be used in every project for which some assembly is required. It just seems to me that a phillip’s screw makes a ton more sense when you’re trying to work in tight corners. They’re much easier on your hands and fingers too.
I can run a little hot when frustration sets in, and few things aggravate me more than trying to get that little wrench to work when you can only turn it about three degrees before having to pull it out and start again, each time trying to get the wrench to match the hole in the top of the screw. At one point I stopped trying, looked at my wife and told her I simply didn’t have the patience for it any longer. She took over, working with a much fuller tool box of patience.
It turned out stepping away from the project was just what I needed, because only then did I recall I had bought a set of bits for my drill a year or so ago that was certain to have some hex head bits in it. It did, and I was able to return to putting our deck chairs together with a newly replenished supply of patience that I’d plugged into the wall. If this had been last spring, I’d have had a good buzz on and would have been far less frustrated as I went along because I definitely would have had more patience. But it also would have taken us about three times as long to get everything put together, because my thoughts would have been scattered, and who knows if I’d have remembered those drill bits.
And that’s why I was thinking about weed a lot over the weekend. I kept having to pull myself back together when I’d get pissed off, reminding myself that I don’t have my old type of stress relief at my disposal any longer. I give full credit for my ability to remain calm under the frustration of hex head hell and feel and deal with my emotions with what I’ve learned from the teachings of Eckhart Tolle. His book has really changed my life and I can’t recommend it more enthusiastically.
But most importantly, my wife was watching me the whole time. All weekend she figured one of my old tantrums was afoot and she’d have to remove herself from the project to let me sort things out. That never happened. She told me last night she was proud of me and the progress I’ve made with dealing with my emotions. I used to just get high and ignore them, which only really masked them, but I can’t do that anymore, so I’m left with having to feel them, good as well as bad.
As Tolle points out, it’s how we respond to our emotions that helps us grow. I feel like I did some growing over the weekend.
Have a great day!
Yours in Freedom from Weed